of change & cynics.

Things change. 

Two words. Amazing really. 

Honestly, I should know this better than anyone. I’ve been betrayed and hurt by people far more times than I care to count. One thing that I’ve never had,through each and every one of those experiences? 

Closure. 

Maybe if I did, things would be different. I would have been smarter, thought with my head and not my heart. Things like that. It's probably just wishful thinking. I realized that I start all my relationships (and friendships, for that matter) with too much trust. 

I have this tendency to never question people. You need my help? You ask, and it's done. I put my friends needs before my own. I put them before anything else. So when something happens and that friendship gets damaged, sometimes beyond repair? You can bet I'll be the one that's more hurt. 

When I like someone, or when I consider people close friends, it's almost inconceivable that you could be having the time of your life with that person, and all of a sudden, the friendship's over. 

Over the years, I've finally come to the realization that I trust people far too easily. So I've developed a sort of shell. To keep myself away from everyone, thus in my mind, keeping myself from getting hurt.

I don't even know why the hell I'm typing all this out at three in the morning. My insomnia's been killing me plus my sleeping and eating  schedule has been so fucked up recently because PMR's over and I haven't had school for two weeks. 

Anyway, I'm just gonna try to sleep now cause I have archery training in around five hours. I'm screwed. G'night to anyone who's reading this. 

I'm not usually this cynical, honest. I just need to get all this off my chest. 

Things change, I should really just learn to fucking deal with it.